If that had been all God had in store for me. If that was the healing I was to receive, that was enough for me. God had physically made it as though I had never been sexually abused. He had made it so that I no longer had HPV. You may think that the surgery is what took care of that and you would be wrong. I still had flare ups of HPV for years after. It was never as bad or intense but they still came. Those test results showing I was clean, meant I did not have the STD that I would pass on to a spouse or to a child and I would not get cervical cancer. God had indeed proven to me that he was a promise keeper and that He was Jehovah-Rapha, “The Lord my Healer.”

God had a surprise or two in store for me to bring about healing in all the areas of my life. First he made me care-taker of my mother and healed our relationship. (I will write more about this later as it is an important part of my life story.) Then there was a death in the family that led to me coming face to face with one of those monsters from my past. The one whose words so hijacked my life and self worth. The one who had led me to believe I was nothing and nobody.

I had been anxious about this “reunion” if you will. I was there to support my brother who had lost his dad. (The brother with whom I shared a mom.) I knew at some point I was going to see this man. I was busy helping sort through things that belonged to my brother’s dad. It wasn’t until the end of the day, when we were about to leave and go out to dinner that I was approached by this man.

I did not recognize him. He was an old man, and shorter some how. Don’t get me wrong he was still a lot taller than me. He no longer looked like a monster. He was gentle, soft spoken and tender. “Hey, Jana. I don’t suppose you recognize me. Do you know who I am?” I had no idea who he was, but I hedged a guess that he was the man I had feared as a child. I called him by name and he took my hand in his and shook it. He spoke of remembering me as a little girl whom his wife took care of. A little blonde girl, that played at his house.

At some point in this man’s life, God got a hold of his heart and changed him. He no longer drank and he was no longer mean and angry. He was a loving father and grandfather. He was a good husband, uncle and friend. He did daily devotions spending time with God and reading God’s word.

In the context of our conversation he brought up his son, who had been troubled in his youth but had gone to the military and become a good man. (The man he spoke of was the boy who hurt me.) He kept trying to reassure himself that I was ok now, that my life was good. I could tell he was trying to tell me that he knew the pain he and his son had caused but he did not have the words for it. He expressed interest in my life and in the person I had become. God had done what I never thought he could do. He had not only healed me from this man’s words and his son’s evil deeds. He had healed whatever had been broken in this man and changed him. Really, truly changed him into a good man. A gentle man.

I returned home from this funeral feeling lighter. I thought God was amazing in what He had done for me, this man and his son. I was good. I thought all had been put to rest. God had more in store for me, just 4 months later.

I was once again preparing to attend a funeral. This one for my brother’s grandmother who had taken me in like one of her own. This woman was the reason my mother came to faith in Jesus. She was the picture of the Proverbs 31 woman, that most of us will never live up to. She never met a person she didn’t love. She could love them because Jesus loved her first. She told everyone about Jesus love for them and how faith in him could help them endure anything that happened in life. When I am older, I hope I am like her.

My brother and I were waiting with his family and friends of the family in the room reserved for us prior to the service. I had already greeted and hugged the family of this beloved woman and engaged in a nice conversation with the reformed monster of my childhood. I was sitting on the couch, drinking coffee and sitting next to my 16 yr old nephew. Something caught my eye over by the door, I turned my head and in walked that boy…now man who had ruined my life. I knew him because he was the spitting image of his father. In that moment, he was the living embodiment of both monsters. Visually his dad, with whom I had come to peace and no longer feared and the grown version of that 15yr old boy who stole my innocence and defiled me. You might think I would have shrunk back in fear or had a panic attack or all the bad memories would come rushing forward. None of that happened.

I verified with a family member who the man was that had just entered the room and then the unexpected happened. I set my coffee on the table in front of me and said more to myself than anyone, “I can’t believe I’m about to do this.” I walked straight up to him. By this time he was sitting beside his father, the now gentle man. I extended my hand out to him and said, “You probably don’t remember me, but I remember you. I was yea high (I gestured that I was a little person) and you were yea tall.” (gesturing that he was bigger and older.) I mentioned that his step mom used to take care of me. I said, “Man, you look just like your dad did when I was little.” “Yeah, I have been told I could be his twin.” He said.

I told him about this one photo we had been in together. It was of him, his dad, step mom, brother and me at a park. When I named the park, I saw the moment it the moment it dawned on him exactly who I was. I remembered that picture and He said, “Man, that was a long time ago.” I smiled and nodded in agreement. He stood to his feet and spoke face to face and eye to eye with me. I talked to him about the things his dad had told me about him, about him being a good man and the kind of man that rescued cats. I extended my hand again to shake his, signaling the end of our conversation and he pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back and then walked back across the room and sat back down on the couch.

I had not realized it, but I had still been carrying the weight of my past. When I sat down, I felt this load, this burden lift off of me. I felt free. I was finally free from the bondage of my past, I was finally free from the wounds inflicted upon me and the lies I had come to believe. I was fully, and completely whole. God had healed me and made it as thought it had never even happened. None of it.

Later that day we were invited over for dinner at the home of the man whose words had wounded me so. While there we talked about God and Bible verses and devotionals. He told me of his daily time with the Lord. I didn’t eat much, it was so surreal being in his home and eating his food. He kept encouraging me to help myself to more. With these words, God shattered the lies for good. I marveled at how God had changed this man and how God had brought this all back, full circle.

I was no longer nothing and nobody. (I Never was Nothing , I Never was nobody). I was no longer ruined. God had indeed restored those years that had been stolen from me. It was the the most amazing feeling in the world. Look at what the Lord had done. “He healed my body, he touched my mind, he saved me just in time. I’m gonna praise his name, each day is just the same. I’m going to praise Him. Look what the Lord has done!” (This is a church song from my childhood.)

I knew what had happened that day. I told everyone that gave me audience. I could not stop talking about what God had done for me. To solidify the fact that God had done what I thought was impossible, weeks later I got the call that this man had cancer. The kind that ate up his entire body. My first and only concern was for this man’s salvation. That he get right with God. I cried on this man’s behalf and begged God to not let him breath his last breath, without accepting salvation through Jesus. I sent out a prayer chain asking my prayer warrior friends to pray with me. Then I wrote this man a message on Facebook. I emplored him to make sure he called on the name of Jesus for salvation. I presented the gospel to him and told him how much God loved him and how Jesus died for him.

I pleaded with him to get right with God. He responded to me and thanked me for my words. He said that he and God were good. But I knew that was not true, because he did not mention Jesus name. Only those that are truly right with God use the Jesus name as evidence of their faith and salvation.

I continued to pray for him and I would periodically check in with other’s who knew him. Then a few months later the call came through, informing me that this man had passed away. I had peace knowing I had done what I could do. I trusted God did what only He could do. I reached out to a cousin of his who was a minister and I point blank asked about his standing before the Lord. She told me that three days before he passed, he prayed and asked Jesus to come into his heart.

I wept with relief and joy that this man had called on the name of Jesus and had been saved from his sins and the punishment that he would have suffered had he not. (Hell, the only escape is Jesus.) I spread the word to my prayer chain and was delighted by the responses. The response that spoke the most to me was the one from a dear friend who knew my history with this man and said that I stood as a testament to what God can do. That I had shown this man love and grace and that my prayers had been straight from the heart of God for this man. Her words, showed me, in a new light, just how thoroughly God had healed me. Not only that, but how much bigger God’s love and grace are. God redeemed not just my story but also God transformed these monsters into men good men. Gentle men, men who trusted in Jesus for salvation from their sins. He redeemed their stories too. This same God can do the same for you.