On Friday February 11, 2022 my mom went to be with Jesus. I had been to visit her just hours before I got the call. I had taken care of her the last 6 years of her life, but I broke at the end, and I could not get her to the finish line. She spent her last two days in a hospice facility. She did not know, she had been out of it for weeks. It had been 3 since I had heard her voice. I had spent 6 years telling her all the good things I remembered, she always marveled at how I could remember so much. In her last two months I told her I loved her so much, I got a video of her saying “You told me that you love me.” I had hoped to get her tell me she loved me, but I loved this even more.

She had been In my charge under my care, I was her Dr, Nurse, CNA, care-giver and daughter for so long. I was spent. To use a phrase from the Deaf community, I was “all give out.” I like that phrase, which is shown in one sign. It said it all in one sign/gesture. When hospice took her to their facility, they told me I could just be her daughter again. I wept. I had not been able to just be her daughter for such a long time.

I was with my mom at 4pm the day she passed. I did not go see her the day prior, I gave myself the day off. I knew what was coming, I had been watching her slip away from me for 2 months. I thought that was excruciating. I thought THAT was the hardest thing I would ever have to do. I had no idea how much more it could and would hurt. After the shock wore off, after the exhaustion had worn off, and after she was absent from my home for months. Living without my mom has been ever so much more difficult than taking care of her or watching her die was.

That day I was standing in her room, and struck by how much more frail she had seemed. In less than 48hours, she had become this shrunken up, skeletal version of herself. She was laying there asleep. Her body had been shutting down for some time. Somehow I knew this was the last day I had to see her and to talk to her. I paced her room and told her all the things I could think of, that I wasn’t sure I had told her. They say that their hearing is the last to go, so I trusted she could hear my words. I apologized to her for not being able to to keep her home any longer. I didn’t have it in me to get her to the finish line.

When I had said all the things I wanted to make sure she heard from me, about our time together, my love for her and who she had been to me. I told her about my initial plans for moving forward with life without her. I told her about work and how God would provide for me. Before getting sick, she worried incessantly about what would happen to me when she was gone.

I told her about dreams I had for my life, and I told her that I would write HER story. I want people to learn about God’s love and learn life lessons and God’s truth, from her life story. In my last words to her, I thanked her for being my “cheerleader” and that I knew she would be cheering me on from Heaven. Then I said, “ I will see you when I get there. I love you mom.” I know she knew it was goodbye, I know because she did the only thing she could do to signal that she had heard me. In her sassy little momma way, she gave me that Elvis (corner of the upper lip,) snarl. I laughed and said, “ Ok my feisty momma, I love you too,” and I walked out of the room. I sat in my car in the parking lot and cried. I debated whether I should go back in and stay longer. I had said everything I could think of to say, and I could not just sit and watch her die right before my eyes anymore.

AT 10:30pm that night, I was getting ready for bed. I had the thought I needed to leave my phone on for their phone call. I turned towards my kitties and said, “Well, kids, its just you and me now. Granny isn’t coming home.” Right then my phone rang, it was a nurse from hospice. I heard the tone, and I knew why she was calling, but she was reluctant to say the words. I said, “My mom has gone home to be with Jesus, hasn’t she?” “Yes, ma’am she has.”

My mother’s life story is meant to touch the lives of others. There are many women out there like her, that have sought love from those incapable of truly loving them. There are other’s who have lived believing they were unlovable or impossible to love. Her life is a testament to the truth that no one lives an unloved life. The love isn’t from those we sought it from, Its a greater love than any human is capable of. It is the love of a Heavenly Father, who created each one of us. A love that is patient and kind. A love that does not hold our wrongs against us. A love that endures to the end. My mother is now in the presence of the truest love there is. All of her pain has been erased and she now knows what it truly is to be fully known and loved completely and to the full.

She would want everyone to know this love and to be embraced my this love. There is only one thing you have to do to experience this love. You can experience it during this life time and beyond. You need only to humble yourselves and accept the gracious gift of Jesus who died for you. All you need to is to call on the name of Jesus. This act is your ticket to spending eternity in the presence of LOVE. GOD is the embodiment of the love we all desperately crave.

Thank you for taking your time to read my Mom’s story. I hope you will find someone to share this with that may be able to relate. Someone that needs the hope that my mother’s story can give. Someone that needs to know that they are loved. I hope to bring her honor and glory to God by sharing her story.